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Any comments or if you would like to send me one or two of your own jokes that you think i may like please feel free to email me :) kitannadragon@yahoo.com Thank you🙂

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Hello again!


Please feel free to  send me more jokes…I love them.

~KitannaDragon~

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Stewardess


An airline pilot finishes giving a message to the passengers & forgetting to turn off the intercom says to his co-pilot ”that’s us done for the next 3 hours so I’m going to have a shit then I’m going to shag the arse off that new blonde stewardess.” In the cabin,the stewardess hears him & rushes down the aisle to tell him to turn off the intercom. Half way down an old lady grabs her arm & says, ”No need to rush love, he’s having a shit first.”

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Old couple’s Memories


An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and then he tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

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12 OF THE FINEST (UNINTENTIONAL) DOUBLE-ENTENDRES EVER AIRED > ON BRITISH TV AND RADIO


1. Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator –  ‘This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother.’

2. New Zealand  Rugby Commentator –  ‘Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.’

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator –  ‘And this is Gregoriava
from  Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!’

4.  Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 –  ‘Ah,
isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the  Oxford crew.’

5.   US PGA Commentator –  ‘One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.

Oh my God! What have I just said?’

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team
Live’ said:  ‘You’d eat beaver if you could get it.’

7.  A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked ‘So Bob, where’s
that eight inches you promised me last night?’  Not only did he have to
leave the set but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard.

8.  Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:  ‘Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.’

9.  Claire Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on ‘Look North’ said:
‘There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.’

10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on ‘Sky Sports’:
‘Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.’

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked:
‘They seem cold out there. They’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.’

12.  Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:  ‘Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

Many thanks to Marion for this.

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Rasist?


Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ‘racism’ these days.

A customer asked, “In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?”

The assistant asks, “Are you Irish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?”

The assistant says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.”

The guy says, “Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did

you ask me if I’m Irish?”

The assistant replied, “Because you’re in Halfords.” :O)

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Typical Scotty.


A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect
breasts. He says to her, ‘Hey miss, would you let me bite your
breasts for £100?’

Are you nuts?!!!’ she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns
around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

‘Would you let me bite your breasts for £1,000 ?’ he asks again.

‘Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?’

So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again.

‘Would you let me bite your breasts just once for 10,000 pounds?’

She thinks about it for a while and says, ‘Hmm, £10,000 –

Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there’.

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, ‘Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?’

‘Nah’, says the Scotsman.. ‘Costs too much’

Many thanks to Marion!!

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